Father-Drug

This abyss, this oddity
You left in me when you left
These freaky habits, those
Unfinished embraces.
Where are you now,
My father-drug?
Do I still live in you?
Are you still in me?
In my bones, in my soul
In my horrific genes?
Why do you fear to haunt
My being? I long to belong
In the crook of your arm
My first love, my first
Heartbreak. Where can I buy
A bit of you to rush through
My blood? A little oxygen
For my weary thoughts?
Father-drug, nobody is
Good enough or bad enough
After a dose of you.

Man

As flesh slapped against flesh
As blue and black collided
I knew him. I knew this was
Him.
Part of me, whole of me,
Me.
Of all that is most beauteous
He is the peace that I was
Promised, the love that begets
Itself, the painted azure skies
The golden sun-loved valley
A baby's satisfied smile
A whiff of freshly baked bread
He completed the jigsaw.
He restored my faith.

Dusk promises Dawn.

Beyond this beauteous dusk
Forgiving and enticing
There is that lustful dawn
Promising me plenitude.
Whom do I adore more?
The golden horizon
When the sun makes
Love to the treacherous
Earth in myriad shades
Of terracotta rust.
The crest and trough
The rise and fall
The spasm and non spasm
When they meet, dusk
Enchants, glorifies
And then meekly withdraws
Into the ravenous raven hued
Bitter night.
And then that powerful moment
When dawn wins once again
And the sun breaks free from
The wombs of being, excited.
Dusk follows dawn follows dusk
And when they merge in copious cries
I will cease to have to choose/exist.

Some

Somewhere amongst the shadows
cast by this gentle evening,
memories of you
play hide and seek with me.
Somehow between finding me
and building us,
You were lost.
Someplace our sins
will become our virtue
our lies, our truth.
Sometimes the sweetest honey
is yet to be tasted.

Love v. Madness

Sometimes the love that you lost is the sanity you gained. Sometimes the love that you gained is the sanity that you lost. Sometimes the love that you lost is the sanity you lost. Sometimes the love that you gained is the sanity you gained.

On Depression

My flesh is rotting
My soul is a corpse
I am journeying
Six feet under
All these tepid
Thoughts and emotions
Are speeding me along
This voice within
Is without a cause
Defeated of purpose
I am sinking
Into this morbid
Consuming whirlpool
I have no saving grace
No driftwood to hold onto
Somewhere, somehow
There is that promised
Peace or an end
To this carnage
Will no one heed
My silent screams?

You, trapped in me.

If they can bottle the sweet scent of roses, fit the notes of a thousand violins into a thin CD, capture the richness of cocoa beans in a little square of chocolate, paint so many emotions on a tiny canvas, trap the softness of cotton unto a handkerchief, why can't they give me a vial of your essence to breathe life into my existence?

Rapine

He held me down
Pinned my hands
Above my head
I did not cry
Once.
I was far away
Hovering somewhere
Near the ceiling fan
My muscles were
Cold, quite like the
Dead fish that float
In polluted waters
Being carried into the
Mouths of larger fish
I watched from a distance
His sweaty muscular back
His ugly heathen grunts
His round thrusting buttocks
Two mounds of impertinence
I felt guiltily aroused
A curious voyeur of my
Strange destiny.
I am still far away
From the smell of him
His chimeric bulging eyes
Drawing pleasure from the
Thought of his domination
He never ever had me
He never penetrated me
I vaginated him.

blood child

I bled today
Again.
You are still
Not formed
In my body
In my soul
You are a
Painful silence
I bled in tiny drops
And huge goblets
My cunt protests
Where are you?
Flesh of my flesh?
Blood of my blood?
Invade my womb
My spirit.
My woman
My seed
My child.