Other

I struggle to meet his perfection
Midway.
I try to please, I abuse and I exhaust
Myself.
Step on my wings, trample them down
Massacre.
My love is never for his loveliness a-
Match.
All that is left is a desire, a distant
Memory.
Of another pair of hands, softer, forgiving
Merciful.
Betwixt my solitude and my loneliness with him
Melancholy.
Othered by him, loved by him,I only belong to
Me.

Life.

I have a mad desire
The kind that rests
Not so gently on the chest
Asking, pushing, seeking.
I would like nothing better
Than to exist in non existence
To drive the demons away
And the angels too.
I don't want to hear
Or see, or touch
Anymore. I am at peace
With the thought of home
In this black hole
Where the soul frees itself
From the strangle hold of eternity
I don't want to be immortal,
Mortal or anything in between.
Just an end that begins,
Just no thoughts to torment.
No hopes to enslave.
Just nothingness
No, not even that.
Something beyond absence.
Like a void, a vaccum, a space
Or even the nadir of it.
I have a mad desire for
Death.

Onion

Take my clothes off,
Layer by layer.
Cut into my skin if you
Dare.
Test my acidic depths
If you please.
Yes I will make you
Cry.
When my heart reveals
Its secrets to you,
You will stink,
You will excrete me
Through your pores.
And raw, never a
Deeper flavour will
Assail your tongue
Your eyes, your skin
Your core.
And yet you forget
That I offer you
My own distruction,
Layer by layer,
Skin,
Flesh,
Love.

My Friend Sadness.

I took a guided tour
Of sadness.
Everything around me
Speaks of happiness
The colours, the scents-
The texture of the roses
More sanguine than blood.
I have the formula
To make people laugh
I have perfected it.
A clown, a willing clown.
Inside my myriad costumes
And behind smiling lips,
So skillfully painted on-
Sadness has claimed helpless
Victory.

Moments

Moment, now, here -stay!
Where is the need for more?
You ask.
I look at it, this moment
I let it strain through my fingers
This moment
Empty.
I juggle all the possibilities
Of this moment
I try to safe-keep
Its taste, its smell
Empty.
I try to listen to it
Please say something!
Anything!
This moment has no voice
Hollow and lame-
Like a forsaken mollusk shell
Empty.
Like me.

Spring

Winter let Spring in
In colours of longing-
This joyous guest
Kissed amidst the chaos
A lonely dew- uninterrupted.
I tire of my soul's winter
And along the little alleyways-
Of my guarded, jealous heart
You danced your way in.
Without ever saying-
Please may I?
Your limpid gaze- yielding
And yet so unyielding.
Your beauty-fragile
And yet so powerful.
There is Spring in you-
In your very being,
In the warmth of your voice.
For every timeless second
I held my breath-enchanted-
Winter found her Spring.

Free

Why is my darkness so dark?
And my light so careless?
The loves that I set free
From myself, far away
They keep calling me
A mad selfish whore.
Where are those silver butterflies
That fluttered delicately once
Deep inside my nothingness-
Setting me free with their flight?
Why are my thoughts so thoughtless
And my meaning so meaningless?
Free me from my freedom
For it enslaves me.